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“We can’t go on together
With suspicious minds
And we can’t build our dreams
On suspicious minds…”
So you’ve got that nagging feeling that something is not quite right in your relationship but how can you be sure? The red flags for cheating are pretty much the same for both men and women so lets go over a few of the basics.
Love don’t live here anymore…
When someone is cheating, their involvement with another man or woman will cause them to treat you differently. You may notice an unusually defensive attitude when you ask questions about their day or suddenly they find fault in everything you do. By portraying you as incompetent they are justifying the affair in their mind. They will lose interest in family activities such as spending time with the kids or doing household chores because they need to make extra time for the affair.
Guilty feet have got no rhythm…
On the other hand, the opposite can occur and you may be showered with more gifts and affection than you’ve seen in years. If you’re not sure where this sudden burst of attention is coming from you may want to consider “a guilty conscience”.
Personality and behavioral changes are highly suspicious and most people will have a “gut instinct” when their partner seems to have been replaced by an alien. In and of itself it is not proof of an affair but combined with other tell tale signs it may explain their behavior.
I’m too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt… So sexy it hurts…
Is your partner spending more and more time with the mirror? Have they developed an interest in their health and started working out in the gym? A sudden preoccupation with personal appearance and a “new look” could be the sign of a new love interest. Look for new lingerie, hairstyles, colognes, perfume and clothing and ask yourself if it is for your benefit or is someone else reaping the rewards.
Tell me lies…Tell me sweet little lies…
Hmmm….watch out for those pesky little lies. When your partner goes missing for hours they will need to account for their time. They will use a variety of excuses with the most common one being, “I had to work late.” If you’re smart you’ll make sure the paycheck backs up this statement. Other common lies include: Caught in traffic, out with friends, unplanned meetings and long lunches. When you try to contact them during their away time their cell phones are mysteriously turned off. You might hear, “sorry honey the ringer was turned down” or “sorry honey I forgot to charge the phone last night”.
Mister postman look and see…if there’s a letter in your bag for me…
Fortunately for cheaters they no longer have to wait for the postman. With easy access to free email accounts like hotmail, yahoo or gmail they can keep in touch with their new lover any time of the day or night. If your partner is spending more time online than usual – it’s time to start paying attention. Check the browser’s history for unusual sites, chatrooms and frequent visits to their email accounts. Watch their reaction when you enter the room and interrupt them – they will quickly close the program and react with anger and defensiveness. People with nothing to hide could care less if you are in the room or not. This sudden need for privacy is a dead giveaway.
Changes in your sex life and intimacy levels should set alarm bells off so don’t ignore them. The most obvious change is a loss of interest in sex, which could imply he or she has found another sexual outlet. Be alert for any changes in frequency and quality. You may suddenly discover you partner has a kinky side and is now asking you to do things you aren’t quite comfortable with. If you are really suspicious that “It’s a cheatin’ situation”, protect yourself and do not put yourself at risk for a sexually transmitted disease.
Call me…call me any anytime…Call me…
Ahhh, the classic mystery caller. You answer the phone only to find no one on the other end. Believe it or not most cheaters will take the risk of calling their lover from home or having their lover call them. It really throws them off when you unexpectedly answer the phone and they quickly hang up. Affairs depend on repeated contact so you may want to check the phone bill and cell phone for repeated names, blocked ID’s and unexplained numbers.
Lipstick on you collar told a tale on you…
Last but not least…the physical evidence. You would be surprised at what you can find when you know what to look for. Receipts and credit card bills can be quite revealing with purchases for everything from gifts and flowers to restaurants and hotels. Check purses, wallets, dresser drawers, closets, coats and any other hiding places you may think of. If you really want to sniff around check the cheaters clothes for odors like perfume, cologne, smoke or alcohol.
You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling….
You know your partner better than anyone. The longer you are together, the better you understand their habits and moods. When changes in behavior occur and your instincts tell you something is not right, chances are they’re not. Rule out all reasonable explanations and do some investigating before you confront your partner. Be prepared for lies and excuses but follow the facts. Cheating hurts and it’s too easy to hide from the truth when you know it’s going to break your heart. Be strong, stay calm and trust your intuition.
“So she tells him she must go out for the evening
To comfort an old friend who’s feelin’ down
But he knows where she’s goin’ as she’s leavin’
She is headed for the cheatin’ side of town…”